I fucking love this movie. Let me repeat that . . . please pay attention . . . I fucking love this movie.

The Room is the most inept piece of film making I have ever witnessed. And it’s glorious! I’ve seen some bad movies, I’ve loved some bad movies, and I often seek out bad movies. So when I say something is bad, I know what I’m talking about. And damn, this stinks. I could not in good conscience give this movie any higher rating than 1. And yet – I love this movie.

Every good train wreck needs a driver, someone to carefully navigate a course to the edge of the cliff, and this one has a master. Anyone can steer a car over a cliff, but Tommy Wiseau. finds the widest, deepest part of the canyon, builds a fucking ramp, sets the car on fire, shifts into reverse, and backs up the ramp, pushing the accelerator to the floor and screaming like a banshee! Tommy wrote, produced, and directed, but that wasn’t enough . . . he had to star in it. How could he not star in it? The part was written for a body builder with bad skin, a man with a completely unidentifiable Eastern European accent and really bad grammar, a man who could deliver every single line woodenly and completely out of pace . . . and no one fit that bill better than Tommy. However, I’m almost tempted to believe the script called for wooden delivery and bad pacing, because every actor is delivering a bad dinner theater performance. The script has all the feel of a finely honed first draft written by a man who believes his every word is art. Now lets add in really obvious blue-screen cinematography (shot in 35mm and Hi-Def video simultaneously!), a soundtrack that couldn’t be any worse but couldn’t be any more right for the film, and so much more.

And it’s brilliant. Tommy is now marketing the film as a black comedy, but I want to stress that he didn’t market it as such from the beginning. At least he has a good sense of humor about it. The movie screens once a month in Los Angeles, with numerous repeat viewers who have turned the event into a Rocky Horror-type event, dressing up as characters from the film, shouting responses (often insulting) to the film, and throwing plastic spoons. And Tommy attends most screenings, doing a Q&A before the film, selling merch, and encouraging the behavior. And I’m happy for him! I’m not quite willing to believe he intended the movie this way, and that’s part of what makes it so cool. It’s easy to make fun of someone for making a bad movie, but on the other hand, how many people have a dream, a vision, or whatever you want to call it and then have the drive and the balls to make it happen? Most people don’t even try, so I’ve gotta give Tommy mad respect for going for it. And it’s the seriousness and passion behind the project that elevates this film from just plain crap to god-awful amazing crap that I want to watch over and over again. So make your money, Tommy, ride that horse!

I could quote you so many bad lines from the movie, but a) that’s boring as fuck, and b) you can’t grasp how bad they are until you hear them delivered badly. But trust me, you’ll screaming “You Are Tearing Me Apart, Lisa!” for days after you see it. If you don’t make it a point to see this movie soon, I’m not sure I want to know you.