#90, April 19, 2010

I’ve never actually made a list of my favorite movies. Let’s play that game right now. Top 10… A Clockwork Orange, Fish Story, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Lord of the Rings, Raising Arizona, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, Pulp Fiction, UHF, Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, and Pan’s Labyrinth. For the moment, I’m comfortable with that. UHF is borderline, and for the next few days I’ll be having a moral debate regarding the inclusion of Road House, which will then devolve into a multi-week discussion of the meaning of “favorite”. This is why I rarely do lists. That, and my abysmal memory. “Honey, what do I like again?

All I’m trying to say is, yeah, Pan’s Labyrinth is one of my favorite films. Ever. I heard it was playing at the Ritz, and I knew I was going. And I went. And then I drove home a sad man. For some asinine reason, I kept putting off buying a ticket. I didn’t think that many people were going, for one thing. I also didn’t remember that Mondo was having a Pan’s Labyrinth poster release that evening, and only ticket holders could get a poster. Sadly, I didn’t realize this was the case until after I drove home. If I had hung around, I probably would have made it in, as many of the “ticket holders” just wanted a poster and had no plans to stay for the movie. I think most of them went on into the Terror Tuesday screening. Bastards. But in the end, everything worked out. As I was driving home, I remembered… this is why I own the Blu-Ray and a big-ass TV.

Rather than talk about Pan’s Labyrinth in any sort of critical form, I want to tell you the story of my first viewing of the film. The year was 2006. It was the second year of Fantastic Fest, and I, not knowing any better at the time, had purchased a green badge rather than the coveted red badge. Actually, they weren’t badges that year. They were hatchets, and mine was green. For those of you who aren’t familiar with Fantastic Fest, that meant I could not always get into the screening of my choice. Red badges get first choice, greens get whatever is left. You always get a movie, you almost always have a choice of two, but some of the higher profile films, you may miss.

There was a secret screening scheduled, it was a Tuesday or a Wednesday, one of the last of the festival as I remember, but that doesn’t matter. What does matter is that the secret was leaked, and everyone was certain it was going to be Pan’s Labyrinth. I really wanted to see it. The problem was, only a handful of green badges would get in. Whoever was going to make it would have to get in line early. How early was the trick. make a bad choice and go to a screening, maybe the line is full when you get out. I opted for the cautious approach. 6 hours might seem like a long time to sit in line for a movie you’re not even sure is the movie you’re waiting for. 6 hours also meant missing two screenings. I didn’t care, I wanted to see Pan’s Labyrinth.

The time came. The red badges were being seated, and every one of them that wandered in late was a nail in the coffin of someone in line, and those nails were working their way closer to me. Finally, a volunteer came up and said they were letting 10 of us in. I’m not sure how many more got in after that, maybe 2 or 3. As the film was introduced, there was a moment of trepedation… what if it’s something else? What if I wasted my day? I hadn’t made it into a previous secret screening, and that turned out to be Apocalypto. When I found out, I felt like I had dodged a bullet. If this movie turns out to be a a stinker, I not only took the bullet, I dived into the bullet’s path. 6 hours…

The dots represent the anticipation building. It was only a few seconds, but it seemed like minutes. Since I can’t actually recreate that sensation for you, you should just pause here for a minute. Yes, I know that you already know the outcome, I gave it away in the lead “the story of my first viewing”. I suppose I could go back and make a few edits. How about “the story of my first viewing. Or was it?” It sucks, right? So how about you just play along and ]pretend there’s some tension building and we can all get on with the story.

Yes, it was Pan’s Labyrinth. No, del Toro was not in attendance, he was contractually obligated to make his first appearance with the film at a later festival. That was cool. I just wanted to see the movie, and I was going to see the movie. Nothing else mattered.

The rest of the evening is a blur. All that existed was the movie. I tuned out anything and everything going on around me as I was absorbed into this world, or worlds, that del Toro had created. I experienced the film at an almost visceral level, as my rushing emotions triggered physical results. After the film, I was exhausted, physically and emotionally. I had another movie scheduled, but I skipped it. This was “special”, and I wanted nothing else to sully the experience. I got in the car and drove home, just myself and Pan’s Labyrinth.

Seeing this girl refusing to leave behind her treasures (books, at least one of which is a collection of Fairy Tales) as she’s forced to grow up too fast, dragged into a war zone, living amongst the forces of evil, the leader of whom is the man you’ve been told to call Father. And she escapes into her fairy world, a world where she’s a princess.

Or is it an escape? Is this the story of a girl who escapes into Fairy Tales, or is this the story of a girl who wakes up to find that her fairy stories are true? In the world of the movie, is the supernatural real? I would be willing to bet money that, were I to ask him this question, del Toro would say that it’s in the mind of the watcher. That’s no help… I can’t say which answer would make me happier.

Several times, as I’ve set down to watch the movie, I’ve tasked myself to watch with concentration, looking for clues, building support for a thesis. It never lasts for more than a few minutes. Once the movie begins, I forget all that. It’s as if this is the first time I’ve seen it, and I don’t care what it means.

I just care that it is.