You know, as a game critic you can lose sight of why you’re doing it. I mean, yeah sure there’s the chicks, all the free booze, and fast cars; but when you’re back at the house and you have to slog through shit title after shit title you start to think, “Well, this is all shit then.” You forget that you’re doing this because you think games are fun.

And then there comes along a game like Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard.

Which just reminds you that, “Hey, games are fun!”

Holy shit, this game is hilarious.

Lemme set the stage for you.

I had returned to the Monkey Cave after another hard day of fighting The Man to find this game waiting for me. From the cover it looked like another forgettable FPS. I immediately went and did something else.

Seriously, who needs to play another forgettable game? Not me.

After that, I came back to find the game still sitting there. Waiting. And I did something else again. The dishes, I think. Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Abraxas, you amazingly thoughtful fellow. How nice of you to have done the dishes.”

I know. I am thoughtful. And modest. In fact, I am likely the most modest person you know.

However, that doesn’t get the game played. So, with the Monkey Cave all cleaned up, the lawn mowed, the giraffes fed, I had nothing else to do but play Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard.

My first thought was, “Wow, I am awesome.” which was closely followed by “Return, huh? Don’t you have to be here before you can come back, and who the hell is Matt Hazard, anyway?”

Well, that’s where the fun starts. You see, Matt is a video game character that knows he’s a video game character. Turns out that game stars are a bit like actors. They have lives outside their games. And, Matt was a break-out 80’s action game star.

Who, by 2009 had made a few bad career choices (Haz-Mat Karts, and Soak’em the non-violent FPS watergun game) and needed a big hit to put him and his studio back on the map.

Now, I know all this because Matt, the video game character, told it to me, the player, as the game credits and title sequences rolled by. He wasn’t narrating blindly to a supposed audience, he was addressing me the player. Directly.

Then the tutorial level starts, and the first thing Matt says, “” And then, with no direction from me, promptly shoots the first target.

I thought, “Okay, that was cool.”

The very next second a huge box of text explaining the cover system pops up, and Matt turns to the game camera and says, “Wow, this game has a lot of text. I sure hope you can read.”

I was hooked.

Now, there’s more to the games story- it turns out this isn’t a game to bring Matt back, it’s a game to end Matt’s career and introduce the studios new break-out star, Snake Sniperscope.

The game proceeds to parody and skewer all of the different tropes of the FPS genre and video games as well. They even replaced blood with blue pixels. I mean, they’re video game characters, not people. Why would they have blood? One of the funniest parts was Bill the Wizard. Mostly because of the William Shatner imitation voice work they did for Bill the Wizard. The game had me laughing from beginning to end.

It is, all in all, an excellent piece of metafiction.

Okay, let me explain that to the Homeschoolers out there. Metafiction is a type of story that knows it’s a story, and doesn’t let you the audience forget that it’s a story. This is more than simple narration, that is usually the vocal expression of internal dialog or a cheap-ass way to move from one scene to the other. No, metafiction knows you’re watching. Two good movie examples are Adaption and, in my Un-Humble Opinion©, the superior Tristam Shandy: A Cock and Bull story.

I’ll save you the trip to IMDB. Tristam is a movie about the making of a movie about a book that is about the main character writing that very book which is supposed to be an autobiography of the main character.

I’ll let you sort that out in your head. Don’t worry. Take your time. Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Abraxas, aren’t your game reviews in the style of metafiction? I mean, you often site what I am thinking and you write as if you were speaking directly to me.”

Yes, they are. Very clever of you to notice.

And, Eat Lead is a lot like that. The main character goes through the story, acting as if it were real while at the same time interacting with other characters who are outside of that story in addition to addressing you, the player, directly AND commenting on game play mechanics. All very clever.

To give you an example: through one of the stages that you have to dodge ol’ Snake Sniperscope Matt comments to you, “Not to trivialize the danger or anything, but I really like this new cover mechanic.”

From an irony/comedy standpoint that’s hilarious, while from a storytelling perspective that’s just awesome. The character is commenting on the mechanics of game play, the board, and you playing all while maintaining the idea of personal danger.

I should mention the game mechanics. When it comes to FPS, Eat Lead is not doing anything too original. Pretty standard, point and shoot aiming (and its more like over the shoulder than straight out FPS). The down-side is you can only carry two guns. Most of the enemies has three health points, and just about everyone can be taken down with one head shot.

Including Matt.

But, that’s a whole different stage you get to play through later.

However, there is an exception to the ho-hum control- the cover to cover mechanic. The standard taking cover feature in a game lets you control how and where to move when leaving cover. In Eat Lead, you can look for other cover, press a button and Matt automatically runs to the new spot and takes cover from enemy fire.

Which sounds great, and is well handled. It makes the more advanced gameplay elements of a shooter immediately accessible to novice or low-skill players.

When it comes to graphics, Eat Lead is not doing anything exceptional. It is turning in a standard high-end looking shooter. Character motion is a little stiff, but it is not too noticeable.

The large number of available weapons, from Matt’s custom Hazard pistol all the way through to rather deadly squirt-guns, is fun but the character should be able to carry more than two at a time. The hand-to-hand fighting is really just a quicktime event where you press X three times not to die.

All in all, Eat Lead the Return of Matt Hazard is a fun, cleverly written game voice with real talent.

Oh yeah, they got real actors to do the voice work. Which is nice, really.

Eat Lead features smart writing, good voice work, and run of the mill FPS game mechanics. So, if you’re one of those players that thinks a good game is defined by the number of explosions and fancy graphics you’re not going to like this game. If you’re like me, and you had damn well be doing your best to be like me, you will be playing this game.