I have been searching for a way to accurately sum up how I feel about Batman: Arkham Asylum in one sentence, and after a week of thinking about it, I believe I have it now.

HOLY SHIT, THIS GAME IS AWESOME!

I came into Arkham Asylum with really low expectations. No, really low expectations . The Batman franchise has a long and storied tradition of producing crap games in a sub-genre known for producing crap. The worst? Batman Forever, the game was just as bad as the movie. Which, I know what you’re thinking, “Abraxas, what could be worse than bat-nipples?”

Imagine stop-motion Mortal Kombat 1 style graphics but with a lower budget and the lead programer saying to his team, “Okay, this stuff you’ve done is great, but can we make them move less like people and more like some fucked-up robots that want to be people but have never seen people just read about them? ‘Cause that’d be swell.”

Anyway. I came into this Batman game not expecting much. But then I found out that Rocksteady, the developer, actually dropped some cash and hired Paul Dini to write the story. I know what you’re thinking, “Abraxas, who the hell is Paul Dini?”

Well, he’s the best writer to come out of the Batman animated series. As evidence, I want you to go rent the The New Adventures of Batman, Season 1 and watch episode 8, Growing Pains . I defy you not to say, “Yeah, book’em for murder!” Also, he created one of the best supporting cast antagonists in the Batman franchise: Harley Quinn. She puts the fun in dysfunctional!

Gotta love a guy who can write for a psychopathic blonde.

Batman: Arkham Asylum does a lot of thing really well; the graphics are dark, gritty, gothic and embody the struggle against entropy and decay that is central to the Batman ethos. The story is tight, and captures not only the derangement of Batman’s Rogues Gallery but Batman’s own mental problems.

I mean, he dresses up like a bat and creeps around at night beating people up. That’s not healthy. To quote Scarecrow from the game, “Batman, you’re as insane as the rest of us. You belong in here.”

Rocksteady also brought back the voice talent from the animated series. It’s all the familiar faces with all the familiar voices; Keven Conroy as Batman, Mark Hamill as Joker, and Arleen Sorkin as Harley.

The controls are easy, one button to a function without having to worry much about what button you should be pressing next. Plenty of gadgets for Batman to use to round the game out nicely. This game is a blend of stealth and action, meaning there’s a lot of sneaking around with a lot of kicking ass. In most stealth games the goal is to get by the NPC’s without being seen, in this game the goal is to sneak up on them THEN kick their ass. All kinds of fun! As a whole, the Batman Arkham Asylum excellently blends an action game with lots of bone-crunching action and a stealth game with lots of sneaking around.

Press X to kick ass!

True Story : using the stealth features and Batman’s equipment you can actually terrify the Joker’s minions so much they huddle in the middle of the room, back to back and shoot at the shadows all while crying about how they don’t want to be there anymore.

But.

And, there’s a lot of but here. Batman: Arkham Asylum is held back from being a great game by weak voice acting, boring boss fights, the Detective Mode, and lame stages. Which is a shame, because this could have been a really great game.

Conroy really phones in his performance as Batman. Kevin, I get you’re like a serious actor and all, and you’ve been playing the same character for almost 2 decades now, but damn, could you be more half-assed in delivery? Seriously, wtf?!? It’s like Batman was too busy tweeting about dinner to deliver a quality line or really wanted to get back to watching Office Meltdowns on Youtube than go fight Bane.

The combat system is aggressive in its bone-breaking, jaw-crunching action . So much so, that fighting a mass of henchmen is something to look forward to. But, the Boss fights for each of the stages are reduced to throw the Batarang, dodge, and attack. Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Abraxas, that sounds like a cheap exploit you came up with on the fly to breeze through the boss fights.”

Well, you’re wrong. The game actually tells you to do it. There’s no other way to beat the bosses, and believe me, I tried. I actually came to dread the boss fights, not because of the difficulty but because they were so boring and repetitive. Batrang, dodge, attack.

Press X to barf .

I originally thought of Detective Mode as the “over here, stupid” button, but I came to realize how much of the game depended on it. Detective Mode allows you to see through walls, view collapsible walls, or follow specific trails. Which sounds very Batman-ish, and it is, but you are fish-hooked and literally bread-crumbed through the whole game with it’s use. If you’re not automatically “recalibrating” and “forensic mode”-ing to move to the next story section it’s a shock. Seriously, after several quality sandbox games that allow players to move through various portions of the story at their own pace and direction it’s a real pain in the ass to run on rails in a game.

Frankly, this could have been used a lot less, and only to reveal specific things that were hidden or needed to be discovered to move the plot along if the player couldn’t figure it out on their own.

The Scarecrow stages were just flat out lame. Seriously, lame. We’re taken from ass-kick-a-topia and forced into these weird side-scrolling boards where Batman has to dodge Giant Scarecrow’s headlight eyes. I’m not making it up. You end up creeping along walls, ducking as Giant Scarecrow sweeps back and forth looking for you. Press X to be lame!

Oh, and one other thing. Autosaves. I hate Autosaves . The reason I hate autosaves? Because if that one save becomes corrupt, you’re screwed and have to start the game over from the beginning. You know, like I did when I was 94% of the way through the game and the save was corrupted.

Yeah, that really sucked.

In the my Unhumble Opinion© Batman: Arkham Asylum is a really good game . It’s held back from being great by boring boss fights, weak stage design, and the breadcrumb methods to move players from zone to zone. But, if you play this game, don’t be surprised when you’re hoisting a lone henchman up to the rafters to be found by his buddies a few seconds later you find yourself yelling at the TV, “I am vengeance! I am the night! I. AM. BATMAN! “