So far, 2010 has not been my year. Since the top of the year I have been as ill as a person can be without hospitalization (which we actually thought was going to be a reality) and that really affected my productivity on every level. It seems now that I am well on the road to recovery and it’s about time to re-acquaint myself with the joy of reviewing stuff that people may have missed or been unaware of. A lot has piled up, most of it long-form, and it may take a huge amount of viewing to catch up but, as those of you who’ve been sick can attest, I have plowed through much short-form stuff during my convalescence so without further ado, here’s some stuff you’ll enjoy. Trust me. I’m a professional.

Parker Novels: During the worst of my illness I turned to the one man who always makes me feel better: the incomparable Donald E. Westlake. Aside from being the greatest author ever and acknowledged master of the comic crime caper, Mr. Westlake also produces some fine, gritty, hardboiled tales under the pseudonym of Richard Stark. Many of you may have seen the surprisingly solid Mel Gibson film Payback, which is an adaptation of the first Parker book Point Blank and that’s as good an introduction to Parker (NOT Porter) as any. Westlake still delivers tightly-plotted capers with the same quirky characters that dominate his other books but withdraws any out-and-out humor, replacing it with violence and action. Parker has needs and will do whatever it takes to insure an outcome favorable to himself, regardless of the consequences to those around him but, far from being a mere thug, Parker follows the criminal code and maintains a solid sense of honor…provided you don’t try to fuck him over. If you put him at risk due to stupidity or try and double-cross him you’d better make sure he’s six feet under; otherwise he’ll track you to the ends of the earth. Parker takes on the mob, breaks out of jail, gets revenge for an old partner and robs an entire town, among other sundry events in the 28 Parker-related books available, all excellent and highly recommended.

Uncle Scrooge: I am an unabashed fan of Uncle Scrooge and, by extension, Donald Duck. Ever since I was a kid, the Ducks have provided me with hours of entertainment and, as an adult, I am now in a position to take advantage of some of the excellent collections of the Duck family and their globe-spanning adventures. The early tales, created by the Master Carl Barks, are what originally hooked me with their detailed artwork, the emphasis on real history, amazingly imaginative plots and overall humanity of these anthropomorphic superstars. Barks himself credits the intelligence of his audience for allowing him the chance to provide real stories for his readers without pandering or dumbing-down his source material and helped launch the Disney line of comics which is still going strong today. Since Mr. Barks’ untimely passing, other artists world-wide have contributed to the Duck pantheon, many of whom are eerily close to Barks’ original style and vision such as William Van Horn, Tony Stroble, Daan Jippes and modern Master Don Rosa, whose Life and Times of Uncle Scrooge stands as one of the best Duck tales (get it?) in the modern era. Rosa combed the Barks Duck stories, looking for hints and statements about Scrooge’s past that were never followed up on and wove a solid origin tale that gives readers an understanding of how Scrooge got to be where he is without destroying any previous history or erasing any event; quite an achievement indeed. I could go on for hours about which collections are worth grabbing or what old Scrooge or Donald comics should be in everyone’s library but the bottom line is they’re ALL great. Anyone with a sense of adventure, a love of mystery and an appreciation of fine art should re-acquaint themselves with the joy of the Duck family.

Daredevil: Born Again: After walking away from the art chores on Daredevil, writer/artist extraordinaire returned to the title whence he gained his fame with a story that would change the course of Daredevil as well as cement Miller as a writer to watch. Illustrated lavishly by David Mazzucchelli, Born Again tells the story of Karen Page, DD’s old flame, who has become a heroin-addicted mess, starring in low-budget foreign porn just to make her next fix. When her opportunities begin to run out, she decides to re-up her drug supply by selling the secret identity of her old boyfriend. Of course, this information finds it’s way into the hands of Daredevil’s arch-enemy and crime lord of New York, the Kingpin of Crime. Seeing this information is too good to pass up, Kingpin puts his whole organization to work stripping Daredevil down to absolutely nothing, ruining his law career, freezing his bank account, harming his friends and making him a fugitive, breaking him almost completely. Miller explores what makes Matt Murdock a hero and takes the reader on a journey from superhero to broken shell to a complete comeback with renewed vigor. I feel that the story breaks down a tad in the last two chapters but still stands as a milestone of comic literature that I would not hesitate to recommended to anyone. Available in a really nice hardcover chock full of extras.

Conan the Barbarian: Another favorite of my childhood is the swashbuckling adventures of Robert E. Howard’s Barbarian adventurer Conan. Ok, there’s been some recent revision of Howard’s novels, which were popularized in the modern era by Fantasy legends L. Sprague De Camp and Lin Carter who took the Howard tales and put them in order while finishing fragments Howard left before his untimely death in 1936, as well as converting some of his obscure short stories into Conan tales and adding a few pastiches. Now there are collections on the shelves featuring ONLY Howard material and this seems to be the way the “literati” are trying to get Howard remembered and I’m not necessarily against that; I just grew up on the De Camp material and have owned that 12 book series several times throughout my life, including now, and I enjoy them immensely, despite the additions and revisions. It seems one of my all-time idols, H.P. Lovecraft, has thrived in the last few decades by allowing others to expand on (if not entirely create new adventures and subgenres in) his Mythos but Howard (who wrote some excellent Lovecraftian tales himself in the stellar collection Nameless Cults) is apparently above all that to critics, despite the fact that the Conan comic and magazine ran for YEARS doing much the same thing. Despite the critical bashing, the Conan series of novels take Conan on the journey from young man attempting to make his way in the world to his rise to power as the King of Aquilonia. I believe Lin Carter sums it up best in his introduction to Conan the Conqueror: “[Conan] is worthy to stand beside such comparable works of heroic fantasy as E.R. Eddison’s The Worm of Ouroboros, Fletcher Pratt’s Well of the Unicorn and J.R.R. Tolkein’s Fellowship of the Ring series. While it may be inferior to some of these in literary grace or philosophical profundity, it yields to none in action, color, excitement and headlong drive.” Amen.

Television: While, admittedly, I am a dilettante when it comes to cable it turns out that television has had some great stuff on lately…if you’re a fan of History or Science. I am, so my schedule has been full of The History Channel, the Science Channel, History International, Military History and The Military Channel along with the Travel Channel and Boomerang to spice things up. Of course, Ghost Adventures continues to bring hours of entertainment – even episodes I’ve seen – though Zak and Nick continue to be choads and Aaron continues to be the most enjoyable part of the show. Recommend is the episode on “Poveglia Island.” Meteorite Men is a new series about 2 total goofs who search all over for meteorite fragments. Seems pretty dumb but the show has a way of grabbing your attention – maybe it’s the way the two guys bicker – and has completely won me over. Man v. Food is probably my favorite of all the new shows. The guys and I have watched almost every episode multiple times and this show has made me want to go all kinds of places for culinary disasters of the Heart Attack Grill variety. Adam Richman has grown on me immensely and almost every other food program on the network steals his footage. MegaDisasters I try not to miss because I feel I need to be up-to-date on all the things that could slam into the earth, rip up buildings, bury us under tons of water and blow us to kingdom come. I know all kinds of things about tsunamis, giant tornadoes, rogue waves, hypercanes, comet impacts and mega-volcanoes now so when the apocalypse happens I’m pretty much the guy you wanna be around for your best survival chance (as if I wasn’t already…). Patton 360 and Battle 360 continues to feed a lot of my WWII fix along with their countless documentaries on every aspect of War. Everyone I hang out with affectionately refers to it as the “Hitler Channel” because it’s pretty much always WWII and it’s always on (like right now). Any “Quest” show as well; MonsterQuest,, MysteryQuest and their ilk where I have learned that Florida is fucked (indeed, with pythons, cobra and other imported creatures of death), the Mothman may exist, how escaping Nazis fled to Spain and Italy, how Hitler DID NOT die in the bunker as we thought (the skull Russia has was DNA tested as a girl’s) and other Bigfoot-related and CIA events. UFO Files works a lot the same way as Ghost Adventures in the sense that the two leads completely suck but Crusty Bill (I believe the inspiration for Crusty Bill in Left 4 Dead) not only knows some interesting stuff about aliens abut the guy is a believer which gives him a credibility that the others lack. Oh, yeah, aliens have been here for years and the government is covering it all up. For real. Gangland is a show that Zane Duncan and Mike D got me into and now I can tell you all about modern Nazi movements, Detroit’s worst gang ever, biker outlaws that rule the Midwest, all kinds of crazy gang-signs and tags and Spider G (that vato is craaaazzzzy!). Now I know what areas to avoid in each region of the country (I don’t want no trouble, man). The shows Food Wars and America’s Worst Driver haven’t been on long enough to make a supreme judgment but I have been tuning in. Same with NXT. The Universe just wrapped up Season Four and all the seasons are available in some format or another so don’t hesitate to get your space-fix on. Boomerang continues to be the one-stop-shop for good cartoons like Johnny Quest, Dexter’s Lab and Wacky Races and lately my pal Zane has forced me to watch The Banana Splits, which I hate, but Zane’s right that they have the best cartoon segments with “The Arabian Knights” and “The Three Musketeers” and the Richard Donner directed “Danger Island” spots (highlighted by Ronne Troup running around the jungle in tight white pants!). Lest I forget, G4 TV has Attack of the Show with the always lovely Olivia Munn, budding diva Alison Hayslip and the rather entertaining Kevin Perrara keeping me up on pop culture and X-Play which we watch religiously for geek goddess Morgan Webb.

The Magnificent One hates it when I go on forever so that’s it for now. Rest assured, I have plenty of stuff coming including some material from James from England, some Six Million Dollar Man, as well as many comics, novels and films to clog the free time of even our most jaded fans. Keep your eyes peeled and remember, Cybermonkey forever!!