Diggin’ On: The Girly Edition!

lady lascivious makes a valiant attempt to lower the testosterone on the site by kissing up to all the female monklets. But guys, you should pay attention here. This is information you can use. If I have to explain further, you might be too young to read this.

Being the all-knowing, all-seeing glory of a woman that I am, I have noticed (and occasionally dispaired at) the fact that this site is totally overrun with testosterone. Which, don’t get me wrong, isn’t a bad thing at all. Being the only mama in the monkey cage definitely has its advantages. And while I’m normally happy to be another one of the guys, there are some things they just don’t get. Cuz even badass bitches like myself have a girly side. A badass girly side! And sometimes that side needs to be represented. So here’s a collection of some badass girly shit for my other non-regulation females out there.

Carlos shoes
Ok, #1, they’re made by Carlos Santana. Well, not “made” by him, but you know what I mean. Designed, I guess. Or commissioned. Whatever. Point is, the man is fashionable, no two ways about it. And he makes a mean heel, ladies. Just do a quick Google for “Carlos Santana Shoe” and you’ll see what I mean…pages and pages of super-hot stilettos in patent and paisley and snakeskin and so many colors your head will spin. Reason B that they’re awesome – they are affordable! I’ve been finding them at Ross lately ($20 a pair!), or Macy’s keeps them in stock for under $100. And reason 3 – they are really effin comfortable. No shit! Looking at them you might not believe me, and I’m not sure how he does it. Voodoo magic, maybe. But you could walk your ass off in a pair of his heels and hardly feel it. I can run, literally run, in these orange cage wedges I’m wearing today. (I just tested it, and the people at work now think I’m crazy. But I do it for you guys.) So that right there means you can be fashionable AND prepared in case of a zombie invasion or other horror-movie scenario.

I would kill for – and in – these shoes.

Black Amethyst: Part of the Bath & Body Works line of “sensual” fragrances; they showcase it along with Midnight Pomegranite, Vanilla Noir, and Sensual Amber, and it seems like rich dark scents are the new sexy around there. (There should be an “I like my perfumes like I like my men” joke in here, but I’m not allowed to make it.) I was initially drawn to it partly because amethyst is my birthstone, and partly because I’ve never smelled one that smelled like anything other than dirt. But I must say, this stuff is delicious. And I’m not the only one who thinks so: in the first week it was released, every single store in Austin and the surrounding areas sold out of the perfume by Tuesday. I had to drive 30 miles to find it, and by the time I got there they only had two bottles left. The description calls it “a sophisticated blend of Italian bergamot and rare camellias seductively layered with exotic sandalwood and a surprising twist of vetiver.” I call it “the closest ripoff to Coco Madmoiselle you’ll ever find”. That’s right, my favorite part about it is that it smells just like a Chanel perfume, but will only put you out $30 instead of $130. (Have you noticed the trend? I’m a bargain shopper extraordinaire!) Now that it’s not quite as new, you can find it at any B&BW store, and they’ve even extended it into the antibacterial lines (cuz those little purse-size hand sanitizers are the shit).

Fats Domino: Now this one isn’t exclusively girly by any means, but I’ve yet to find any gentlemen that dig Fats quite as much as I do. (Maybe it’s because I don’t know any gentlemen…hmm.) Now he’s not exactly sexy, but he can rock the keys and croon with the best of em, all with a huge smile on his face. And that is the biggest reason I love him: because it is physically impossible to be unhappy when you’re listening to Fats Domino. Try it, I dare you. Even if you’re in the depths of depression, his bluesy lyrics don’t feel patronizing and his swinging style is unequivocally comforting. It’s like he’s reaching through the speakers and giving you a big chubby-guy hug. (Those are the best kind, btw.) If you’re a record-type person, you can find Fats Domino records at most reputable record stores back in the Jazz/Swing section that most people under 60 eschew. Or I guess you could get them on itunes or some crap like that.

Watch the white kids try to groove . . .

ZGallerie: This store is horrible. Because it is awesome. If you need anything for home decor, but want something a little more ballsy than Martha Stewart Living, check this place out for sure. I have outfitted most of our home with trinkets big and small, from vases to wall art to a gigantic dresser that weighs half a ton, and it all looks awesome. They’ve split the store into colors and themes, for those who are slightly design-challenged, so you can get all your coordinating stuff in one spot. There’s an asian section, a natural section, an oceany section, even an entire section for skulls! If you want something furry, or animal-print, or snakeskin, or covered in rhinestones, this is the place to go. Want a life-size wooden Doberman? They got it. Decorative crocodile skull? You betcha. 5′x7′ canvas of the Rolling Stones? Score. They even make purple look cool. And it’s not too expensive either; they have excellent sales, and you can score a ton of items for under $20.

Peacock placemats? Check.

Vince Noir:You read about The Mighty Boosh in Magnificent Bastard’s last “Diggin On”. You might have seen bumps on Adult Swim. Austin even has a billboard up advertising the show’s run on AS. We, being the awesome monkeys that we are, already have the entire show on DVD and have been plowing through it as quickly as possible. While I agree with MB, the show is freakin brilliant, my unabashed favorite part is Vince Noir. Vince is the co-star, along with his coworker/BFF Howard Moon; while Moon is the awkward ne’er-do-well of the two, Vince is the posh ladies man who is obsessed with fashion and his own remarkable hair. And somehow he does it without coming across as a douchebag! Maybe it’s the shrine to Mick Jagger that he keeps, or that he’s more lucky than bright, or that he and I are so much alike, somehow he is incredibly likeable. In Season 1, he looks like Ronnie Wood, and that’s awesome. In Season 2, he dyes his hair and looks like a gorgeous hybrid of Freddie Mercury and Brian May, and that’s awesome too. Oh, and he also plays one-time character “Spider Dijon”, a hippie bongoist with massive dreads and 8 penises. (Penii? I don’t know.) Which is pretty effin awesome. He’s a little punk girl’s wet dream, and he’s funny as shit. In a word, brilliant.

Doubleshot Energy Drink:I added this to the girly list because I have never seen a guy drink one. Or buy one. Or not look at me funny when I’m drinking one. It’s basically a bottled Frappucino with energy drink stuff in it. It tastes like a Frappucino, but it will shake your ass up as good as any Rockstar or Red Bull. And you can get them at most gas stations and convenient stores just like you would other energy drinks. They’re perfect for the morning commute, especially refreshing when it’s hot, and can be a nice little deviation from the normal morning coffee routine. Just try to forget the fact that it’s made by Starbucks.

Austin Books Sidekick Store Final Days
Located at 5400 North Lamar here in sunny Austin (formerly Laboratory Computers), the Sidekick Store has become the clearing house for Austin Books' overwhelming amount of back issues.
Noboru Iguchi returns to Fantastic Fest
... a movie about parasite ass zombies is pretty much right up my alley and Zombie Ass will be making it's World Premier at Fantastic Fest this year...
Fantastic Fest Announces Sell-Out!
Fantastic Fest almost sold out - Daytime badges still available.